Actually, I have never really understood the word "pressure", or I have never personally experienced what "pressure" means.
Combining various situations that have happened to me recently, I roughly understand what it means to have "mountainous pressure".
There are about 60 days left until the high school entrance exam, and according to the teachers, there are still about 40 days left in school.
There are two kinds of anxiety about the future, one is worrying about grades, and the other is not wanting to be separated from classmates.
Before this, I never had a good impression of going to school, until this semester when I realized the value of friendship with classmates.
Now I can't wait to see my classmates every day. (?? It sounds strange, but that's how it is.
This situation is even more frustrating for someone who is not in a good mental state to begin with.
||Don't want to leave...||
Sleepless Nights#
Um, how should I put it, I really couldn't sleep before the results of the mock exam came out.
At the moment when I handed in the test paper, my mind went blank, as if I hadn't learned anything in these years of junior high school, or maybe I didn't learn anything at all.
Every day, I see other classmates becoming more and more optimistic (isn't it that they are really not in a hurry?).
Why am I like this? It seems like I haven't thought too much about it, but I can't control what I think either (it's quite contradictory, just like this.
After seeing the ranking, it wasn't too bad (56/205), and I felt relieved for a moment, but the discomfort came back soon after.
In any case, in this situation, I can't sleep well at night.
If I sleep early, I have nightmares. If I sleep late, I go crazy (?? Sometimes, I can't fall asleep even if I sleep early, and I often stare at the dark ceiling or daydream.
The thing about going crazy seems quite abstract.
How should I put it, I don't seem to be able to accurately describe this situation.
||Specifically, when you lie down on the bed and close your eyes, as we all know, you will see bright spots (spots?) floating in front of your eyes when you close them, and then you stare at those things. When you can't stare anymore, you start to imagine strange scenes, based on some event from the previous day, and you can't understand how you ended up there. Then you think of certain specific scenes, things that you have never seen before or things that are beyond your knowledge, and then everything in front of you starts to shake (as if shaking with a person), just like an earthquake in your pupils. It feels similar to the feeling of trying to forcefully open your eyes when you haven't slept well during the day, and then your whole head seems to be sinking into an abyss. You originally intended to break free, but you can't, and at this moment, you can still think about things, and you can remember this experience (otherwise, how could I write it down for you to see), and it just continues like this, very uncomfortable.||
||How do I break free from this? I forcefully open my eyes. Sometimes, opening my eyes can bring me out, and sometimes it doesn't. Then, relying on the fact that my fingers are close to my hand, I forcefully pinch my thumb against my index finger, and then I can come out. After that, I dare not close my eyes and sleep anymore, because I'm really afraid that if I close my eyes, I will go back again...||
||There are two reasons why I want to break free from this thing, one is that it is very uncomfortable, and the other is that I'm afraid that if I shake for a while longer, I will end up in the hands of the King of Hell (??||
In short, it's very abstract.
Then my family said it was because I didn't rest well, but I feel that there is no difference between resting well and not resting well. Even if you go to bed early, you will still dream, and the dreams are also very abstract. It's hard to say...
Crying Cat Head#
I found that I have been crying easily for I don't know how long. In short, if you argue with someone (especially family members) and have a few words, you will start to feel sad.
Sometimes it's really hard to control this thing, sometimes even before someone finishes speaking, I'm already holding back tears (even if those words are praising me.
It's just... quite difficult to hold back.
And that's how life is, I don't know what it will develop into in the future.
Finally, thank you for reading this, good night, and I wish you happiness every day.
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The original link is https://blog.nekorua.com/notes/12